The twisted way of showing it
by CNLC0rpses
Summary: Russia wants his Finland back, and he's willing to do anything for it. Anything.  A story, where Russia for once, is not the bad guy!


**Genre: **Angst, romance

**Disclamer: **I do not own these characters appearing in this story. They all belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. No offence intentent, I make no money out of this.

**Warnings: **Male/Male relationship, slight violence for using a of a cannon

**Pairing: **RusFin. I'd say it's one sided, but that's pretty much up to you.

**Summary: **Russia just wants his Finland back. He's willing to do anything for it. Anything.

**AN: **So, this is my second attempt in writing APH-fanfiction, please, let me know, how do you think it turned out. And again, English is not my mother tongue, so spelling errors are more than likely to show up.

I wrote this at 3:11 am, because the idea of this stuck to my head, and I couldn't get any sleep before I got it out. Because I wanted to write a story where Russia is not really the bad guy, even if he did start the war. He is just so crazy, he thinks he's actually doing some great big romantic thing, or something. Plus, I think there is WAY too little RusFin out there.

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**This is my version of the beginning of the winter war, and the Mainilan laukaukset, or in English, Shots of Mainila. **

**I have slightly exaggerated Russia's need over Finland, but as said, this is fan-FICTION. **

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The freezing find blows over the small field. It whistles quietly trough the majestically tall coniferous trees, dropping some snow down on my shoulders. I shake it off me slowly, not really thinking about it. My thoughts lay elsewhere.

They lay on the task ahead of me. They lay on the terror, I'm about to unleash. They lay on the small man somewhere beyond that border of our lands. They lay on the man, who stole my heart. On the man, who I'm about to steal back. By the most horrible way there is known to any man.

My thoughts lay on that cruel piece of metal sitting so innocently next to me, on the pure white snow.

I stroke the cold surface of the cannon, smiling sadly. I don't want to do this, and at the same time, there's nothing else, I'd rather do. I have to do this. Both for my people, and for the sake of the orders that were given to me by my current ruler. And I have to do this, for myself.

The distance between us is making me crazy.

I had to let him go, because I knew, he wasn't happy with me anymore. I couldn't stand seeing him unhappy. I had promised to him, to give him anything. Anything to make him happy. And he had wanted independence. It was killing me, but I had to let him go.

But I'm wiser now, at least, wise enough to know, that last time, I wasn't trying hard enough. I could've given him just anything. Independence couldn't be the only thing he was after, there had to be something else I could've given him, to make him happy. To make him stay with me.

This time, I would not fail.

I am going to get him back, and make him happy. Make him stay with me. I'm not going to let him escape me ever again.

He is mine. I want him back so badly. I want him to love me again. No, I need it! And that's why I'm prepared to do just what ever it takes. I'm ready, even if it requires me to do horrible things. A few meaningless human lives are no sacrifice compared to the outcome.

But still...

I lift my face to look up to the darkening winter sky. Snow is starting slowly to fall down on me. I have lost the track of time. I have no idea how long I've been standing out here, pondering these things that my mind is turning over and over again in my head. I wrap my scarf tighter around my face and neck. It's getting colder. Damn, how I hate cold! But even now, in the misery and freezingness of this situation, all of it, brings back a memory to me. A warm summer, not so long ago. Summers in his land are always so warm. We were there, in his land. Just the two of us. It was the middle of the night, but still, it was sunny and warm. I loved it. I just wish, I could relive that memory again. With him...

With him, everything was just so much better. Even when it was the coldest and darkest winter, he brought the warmth and light there.

I was such a fool, letting him go. I will not make that mistake twice!

But still. I just wish, I could explain this to him. To tell him, how things really are. That I would not do this if I wouldn't have to. That I don't want to blame him for this. And it's not that I'm a bad person, I don't enjoy killing people, I just miss him so much. Everything feels so empty without him.

I need him. Without him I feel like nothing. It's like without him, I don't really even exist. Like we're _one. _I need him to be one with me again.

I don't even realize that I've started to cry, before I feel the lonely tear freeze down on my cheek. I wipe it away quickly with my gloved hand. I smile again, the sad, lonely smile, that lingers on my face, when I stare into the coniferous forest rising from the ground before me, hiding the border of our lands deep into it's darkness.

"I know, that you will probably hate me for this first, but soon you'll love me again, da," I speak quietly towards the forest.

"You just have to understand."

I turn around, and face the other side of the field. There too, a tall forest greets me with the threadning darkness of the nightfall, but if I look closely enough, I can see the dim lights flitting between the tree trunks. Those were the lights of the small border guard village. Village, that was on _my_ land. I sigh deeply, and cover my ears with a big fluffy fur hat, to protect my hearing from the explosion soon to come.

I glance over my shoulder once more, and a part of me hopes so badly, that I would see him standing there, behind me, stopping me from doing this.

But the edge of the forest is just as empty, as it was a minute ago. No one is here to stop this madness. I sigh again, and fire the cannon. The explosion of the gunfire rips trough the quiet and calm night. For just a second, everything falls silent. Even the wind stops swirling at the tree tops. Then I hear the screaming.

I squeeze my eyes tight shut, preventing the tears from rolling down on my cheeks. I fire again. And again. And again. I let out a small helpless cry, and fire the cannon one more time.

I let my self fall of the sixpounder, and just lay there on the snow, letting the tears out. I pull my knees to my chest, curling up into a small ball, shaking all over. It was done. There was no way out, no backing down now.

I wiped the tears away, feeling suddenly somewhat... happy? It was weird. I had just killed who knows how many of my own people, my own comrades, and I was feeling happy?

Oh, silly me, for questioning it. I may had done a horrible thing, but of course I was happy. Now, I had the right to invade his lands! I could finally get him back! I let out a small delighted chuckle, and start to sprint off towards the village I just had been firing at. I can hear their screams of terror for a long time before I enter the village.

Many of the buildings are blown apart, and there are soldiers running around, getting their guns out, and helping their wounded comrades. The snow beneath my feet is colored bright crimson red. The color of love... I smile so widely, I scare some poor soldier, who was trying to approach me, asking me, what just had happened. I spread my arms out, and spin around couple of times, letting the new and pure white snow fall on me. Not even the cold could bring me down now.

"Master Russia! Thank God you are here! What happened! ? Where the shots came from! ?" another terrified soldier comes to me, getting he question out finally.

"Finland. Finland fired at us. He broke the contract. We must ready ourselves for war," I answer, my heart so full of love, I felt like it could pop out again just any moment now. The soldier looks at me, surprised and angry now, and hurries off.

I'm just left there, alone, in the middle of the terror I created, smiling.

I created this all for him. For love. I know, I do might have a bit twisted way of showing it, but love, is always love, da?

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**AN2: Please comment, and let me know, what you think!**


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